Well, as far as I can tell, my aches from that nasty fall are gone! Woooo! *dances* But just in case, I won't go to the Temple Dedication dance practice tomorrow--my partner has a tendency of gripping too hard, no matter what I say, around my waist and back. I'd rather the pain not be brought back right now.
Today was...better. Hot as all heck, but I swear my indurance level has reached a new height. Hunter was as much as a pest as yesterday, but what can you do? It's anything any other siblings would go through. *nod nod*
Through this trip I've come to see new things...and have come to understand why mom is the way she is now, and why I was raised so...is there a word for it? Not really. But now I truly understand that mom has done the best that she could. Her mother, my grandmother, didn't prepare her kids for raising children and such things...and since my mom was the youngest of seven (or something like that), she was left on her own for a lot of things that aunt Linda had to do her best to guide her through.
It's hard to explain--but the important thing is that I understand a lot better now. My mom is a very good person, even though she has fallen from the church for who knows what, exactly.
I have come to find more of myself as well, which is a good thing, right? But yet, a bad thing...for example: what the heck should I be doing with my life right now? The robot answer is College. *brushes that aside* I know continued education is important, but everyone makes it sound like if I don't go this Fall, I'm some sort of failure and my life will crumble. I don't feel ready yet, and why is that such a bad thing? I will go when I am ready...and I'll be darned if anyone tries to tell me otherwise again.
I'm afraid to move in any one direction right now. I know something is coming, I can feel it...but I know waiting for it isn't the answer. So what should I be doing to meet it at least half way? I'm not sure yet, but I pray and think of it constantly. I'm currently in no rush--the answer will come, and I'll act on it.
I would wright more on what went on today... but to be honest, I'm very tired and it would be a loooong entry. But it was good, despite brief periods of heat-exhaustion.
I drew Hikari, Shini, Hail, Taw and me the other night....>:3 Hehehehe! I can't wait to get them up. ^__^
That's about it...it's nearing midnight, and we are leaving around nine or ten tomorrow morning to get back home.
Overall, this 'Recovery' has been benificial.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Recovery--Part 4
Since today was a kick in the butt, I won't go into much detail, but I feel obligated to write [i]something[/i].
Shopping with aunt Linda and mom could have been fun, especially with Hunter being decently, well, decent...but we spent about three hours in Hobby Lobby and Ross. *dies* I bought a tank top from Ross, a picture for my room from the Hobby Lobby and cheese from Gossner's...that's about it.
Overall, nothing interesting to talk about, except that I skipped lunch because it was too expensive to buy at that time. A three dollar sandwhich, with bread that was probably dry, and was rather flat? Mom and Linda had the fun idea of getting something to eat at the 7-Up gas station...
...there was this special for a hot dog and a Big Gulp. Never again will I torture myself with eating a hotdog, like I did last week. I'd rather skip one meal than regret it by feeling sick later, you know? I was able to eat cheese from Gossner's a few hours later, though. *heart*
...Well, not much else to say, it's still being decided what to do about dinner, and I have a headache...well, let's hope tomorrow is more appealing. :3
Shopping with aunt Linda and mom could have been fun, especially with Hunter being decently, well, decent...but we spent about three hours in Hobby Lobby and Ross. *dies* I bought a tank top from Ross, a picture for my room from the Hobby Lobby and cheese from Gossner's...that's about it.
Overall, nothing interesting to talk about, except that I skipped lunch because it was too expensive to buy at that time. A three dollar sandwhich, with bread that was probably dry, and was rather flat? Mom and Linda had the fun idea of getting something to eat at the 7-Up gas station...
...there was this special for a hot dog and a Big Gulp. Never again will I torture myself with eating a hotdog, like I did last week. I'd rather skip one meal than regret it by feeling sick later, you know? I was able to eat cheese from Gossner's a few hours later, though. *heart*
...Well, not much else to say, it's still being decided what to do about dinner, and I have a headache...well, let's hope tomorrow is more appealing. :3
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Recovery--Part 3
(Posting for Sunday--today. A bit long, but hey, it's a blog right? *wink*)
When I woke up, I was so sore that I couldn't move. When I managed to, I opened up the door to see mom sitting on the little couch, reading, with Hunter laying at her feet. I sat with her, too, until Kent and Linda woke up.
"Want to come to church with us?" Linda asked, peeking down at me from my newly-found comfortable position on the stairs. Gah, shoot! I hadn't even thought to bring church clothes with me!
"Sorry, I don't have anything to wear," I said with a wince. Kent, who was passing by the stairway, laughed.
"That would open their eyes, all right." he chuckled before he walked out of sight. Linda thought it was hilarious--streaking through a church. I really didn't, but all I could do was try to put a convincing smile on my tired face. My back was feeling a ton better as I stretched the cramps out...until mom poked at my back again to see where it was sore. Oi. But I am happy to say the pain is nearly gone. I will be very happy to get rid of it.
As Kent and Linda went to church, I went onto one of their computers. WOOOHOOOOA! Fast internet! I spent my time doing some deviantART stuff, watching things on YouTube (a rare treat) and posting at Taw-chan's forum. When I got off, mom was getting ready to go take out the truck Linda said we could use to explore the town. Sounded harmless enough to me, so I got ready, too.
I love trucks, and being up off the ground. You can see more things that way, too. Things would have been ten times more enjoyable if Hunter had not been there. Don't get me wrong, I love him and all that...but he was acting TOO different, and it was irritating me to no end. And I did not appreciate the way he was treating me. So it pretty much went like this--he poked me, and I'd slug him. *smile*
Preston is very much like my home town...but bigger, prettier, and funner to look at. And trees, and litterally, rolling green hills! I got a ton of pictures and little videos with my amazing camera. I don't think I could live without it. *heart*
We found a small lake, and got out for a while. Hunter found a ton of dead fish, and that was instantly my turn off for wanting to stick my feet in. Whatever was killing the fish was not welcome on my feet, thank you. We roamed around a lot, and visited the school that they used in the movie 'Napolean Dynamite', which I have still yet to see all the way through.
When we got back to the house, I went on the computer again and worked on my dA portfolio (which is only available to beta testers), then Kent and Linda came back. Hunter convinced them to take a picnic lunch up to the lake again, and I rather sulkily agreed to go. We couldn't take the car, so that meant I was stuck in the back of the truck with Hunter. Fun.
It was hot, of course, and smelled of dead fish on the shore. I stole bites out of mom's sandwhich before setting off on my own. I think I got some good pictures...it was hard. It was a beautiful place, but yet, it wasn't an ugly one, either. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't find much joy of being there. I wanted Taw with me...she could make anything fun, or even Hikari, who could turn a tree trunk into a comical character. However, I did get some ideas for my current story, Time and Again, and got a good short video of the sparkling part of the water.
Uncle Kent is an interesting fellow--full of mathmetical equations, jokes, and stories. He is also a photographer, and we keep on trying to get pictures of each other without the other one noticing. However, I believe I am winning so far. Hunter finally jumped in the water...UGH. It made me twitch. If he is sick by tomorrow, it'll help me prove that there is something more foul than dead fish in there.
When we were ready to go to go look at Linda and Kent's property (where they are working on building their dream home) up in the hills, of course, Hunter whined and cried about not being able to stay. He sat in the back of the trick with mom this time, and I snickered as mom got pictures of Hunter pouting and crying.
Kent and Linda's stretch of property is beautiful beyond description. I got a TON of pictures, and despite Linda's 'threats', took pictures of her and my mom. Some of them were pretty good against the lighting, and others rather hilarious! I hope to get them up in these journals some time soon.
Now, this is the time were I could have tackled Hunter to the ground and made him eat dirt by rubbing his head into the earth. He kept throwing things at me and hitting me. Nobody would do anything about it, so I did. I got back at him, alright...when he was close enough I flicked his ears and lightly punched at his back, and slapped his head.
Of course, the twit wouldn't stop, even when i took to the approach of not reacting to him. I was trying to get some good shots of Linda and my mom on the hilltop, surrounded by milkweed with the sun setting behind them, and Kent was next to me. Hunter was a major distracting by chucking stuff at me.
"Knock it off, Hunter," I warned. "Or I'll sick Kent on you."
Kent growled playfully, which, of course, engaded Hunter more. But at one point Kent DID get after him and caught him, where I came over and flicked at Hunter's ears again. Something guys really, really hate. And, since Hunter was losing, he got angry and started going "ARGH!" in his fury. It made me slightly happy, though. I was sick of his crap from the moment Linda and Kent had come to the house.
Mom and I sat in the back on our trip back down into town, and it was sooo beautiful! The thing about cameras is that they can not trully capture the depth of what your eye can see, but I tried my best to capture as much of it as I could. We took a slight detour to an elk ranch -le gasp- where I got some decent pictures.
We got home, had dinner, yada yada...today's story is almost done. I went to the downstairs bathroom to find it locked, but could hear gigglinginside. I raised my eyebrow and knocked, and Hunter opened the door. I stared in slight shock at what I saw. Linda and my mom were....smoking? I realized it was the milkweed buds. They both laughed wildly at my expression, and mom tried to hand a smoldering part of the milkweed to me.
"Here, you're eighteen!" she said with a grin. I planted the biggest, fakest smile I could conjure on my lips...and closed the door. Of course they laughed, and I walked away from the smell. I'm not sure if it was bad for them to be doing that...? I could see my mom doing that, but not Linda...no, it was hard for me to see either of them doing that! perhaps it wasn't bad, and just a...odd taste?
Mom and I made a quick trip to a gas station to get some pop before it closed, but I didn't bring up what I had seen. I just hope they hadn't let Hunter try their whatever it was...sigh. When I got home, I walked around for a while before coming on the computer again and catching up on my Recovery trip writing.
It's more than my back that is Recovering--but my sense of being, of being part of life, creativity...that sort of thing. Now I will go post on Taw's forum again, then head to bed.
Who knows what tomorrow will hold? It's a Monday, which means stores will be open...and the shopping will begin.
When I woke up, I was so sore that I couldn't move. When I managed to, I opened up the door to see mom sitting on the little couch, reading, with Hunter laying at her feet. I sat with her, too, until Kent and Linda woke up.
"Want to come to church with us?" Linda asked, peeking down at me from my newly-found comfortable position on the stairs. Gah, shoot! I hadn't even thought to bring church clothes with me!
"Sorry, I don't have anything to wear," I said with a wince. Kent, who was passing by the stairway, laughed.
"That would open their eyes, all right." he chuckled before he walked out of sight. Linda thought it was hilarious--streaking through a church. I really didn't, but all I could do was try to put a convincing smile on my tired face. My back was feeling a ton better as I stretched the cramps out...until mom poked at my back again to see where it was sore. Oi. But I am happy to say the pain is nearly gone. I will be very happy to get rid of it.
As Kent and Linda went to church, I went onto one of their computers. WOOOHOOOOA! Fast internet! I spent my time doing some deviantART stuff, watching things on YouTube (a rare treat) and posting at Taw-chan's forum. When I got off, mom was getting ready to go take out the truck Linda said we could use to explore the town. Sounded harmless enough to me, so I got ready, too.
I love trucks, and being up off the ground. You can see more things that way, too. Things would have been ten times more enjoyable if Hunter had not been there. Don't get me wrong, I love him and all that...but he was acting TOO different, and it was irritating me to no end. And I did not appreciate the way he was treating me. So it pretty much went like this--he poked me, and I'd slug him. *smile*
Preston is very much like my home town...but bigger, prettier, and funner to look at. And trees, and litterally, rolling green hills! I got a ton of pictures and little videos with my amazing camera. I don't think I could live without it. *heart*
We found a small lake, and got out for a while. Hunter found a ton of dead fish, and that was instantly my turn off for wanting to stick my feet in. Whatever was killing the fish was not welcome on my feet, thank you. We roamed around a lot, and visited the school that they used in the movie 'Napolean Dynamite', which I have still yet to see all the way through.
When we got back to the house, I went on the computer again and worked on my dA portfolio (which is only available to beta testers), then Kent and Linda came back. Hunter convinced them to take a picnic lunch up to the lake again, and I rather sulkily agreed to go. We couldn't take the car, so that meant I was stuck in the back of the truck with Hunter. Fun.
It was hot, of course, and smelled of dead fish on the shore. I stole bites out of mom's sandwhich before setting off on my own. I think I got some good pictures...it was hard. It was a beautiful place, but yet, it wasn't an ugly one, either. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't find much joy of being there. I wanted Taw with me...she could make anything fun, or even Hikari, who could turn a tree trunk into a comical character. However, I did get some ideas for my current story, Time and Again, and got a good short video of the sparkling part of the water.
Uncle Kent is an interesting fellow--full of mathmetical equations, jokes, and stories. He is also a photographer, and we keep on trying to get pictures of each other without the other one noticing. However, I believe I am winning so far. Hunter finally jumped in the water...UGH. It made me twitch. If he is sick by tomorrow, it'll help me prove that there is something more foul than dead fish in there.
When we were ready to go to go look at Linda and Kent's property (where they are working on building their dream home) up in the hills, of course, Hunter whined and cried about not being able to stay. He sat in the back of the trick with mom this time, and I snickered as mom got pictures of Hunter pouting and crying.
Kent and Linda's stretch of property is beautiful beyond description. I got a TON of pictures, and despite Linda's 'threats', took pictures of her and my mom. Some of them were pretty good against the lighting, and others rather hilarious! I hope to get them up in these journals some time soon.
Now, this is the time were I could have tackled Hunter to the ground and made him eat dirt by rubbing his head into the earth. He kept throwing things at me and hitting me. Nobody would do anything about it, so I did. I got back at him, alright...when he was close enough I flicked his ears and lightly punched at his back, and slapped his head.
Of course, the twit wouldn't stop, even when i took to the approach of not reacting to him. I was trying to get some good shots of Linda and my mom on the hilltop, surrounded by milkweed with the sun setting behind them, and Kent was next to me. Hunter was a major distracting by chucking stuff at me.
"Knock it off, Hunter," I warned. "Or I'll sick Kent on you."
Kent growled playfully, which, of course, engaded Hunter more. But at one point Kent DID get after him and caught him, where I came over and flicked at Hunter's ears again. Something guys really, really hate. And, since Hunter was losing, he got angry and started going "ARGH!" in his fury. It made me slightly happy, though. I was sick of his crap from the moment Linda and Kent had come to the house.
Mom and I sat in the back on our trip back down into town, and it was sooo beautiful! The thing about cameras is that they can not trully capture the depth of what your eye can see, but I tried my best to capture as much of it as I could. We took a slight detour to an elk ranch -le gasp- where I got some decent pictures.
We got home, had dinner, yada yada...today's story is almost done. I went to the downstairs bathroom to find it locked, but could hear gigglinginside. I raised my eyebrow and knocked, and Hunter opened the door. I stared in slight shock at what I saw. Linda and my mom were....smoking? I realized it was the milkweed buds. They both laughed wildly at my expression, and mom tried to hand a smoldering part of the milkweed to me.
"Here, you're eighteen!" she said with a grin. I planted the biggest, fakest smile I could conjure on my lips...and closed the door. Of course they laughed, and I walked away from the smell. I'm not sure if it was bad for them to be doing that...? I could see my mom doing that, but not Linda...no, it was hard for me to see either of them doing that! perhaps it wasn't bad, and just a...odd taste?
Mom and I made a quick trip to a gas station to get some pop before it closed, but I didn't bring up what I had seen. I just hope they hadn't let Hunter try their whatever it was...sigh. When I got home, I walked around for a while before coming on the computer again and catching up on my Recovery trip writing.
It's more than my back that is Recovering--but my sense of being, of being part of life, creativity...that sort of thing. Now I will go post on Taw's forum again, then head to bed.
Who knows what tomorrow will hold? It's a Monday, which means stores will be open...and the shopping will begin.
Recovery--Part 2
(Writing for Saturday)
The problem with changing fishbowls is that you keep the fish. My irritation continued to rise as Hunter became more and more of a devilish idiot around my aunt, who was very tolerant and had much more patience with kids than I.
Saturday evening on the way to Preston found me reading a printed copy of The Demon's Game, marking things I had questions about. By the tenth mark, I had to stop and think...
...Was chapter five really THAT confusing, or was it something else? I glanced to the over-energetic life form that gabbled in my ear. Oh, right. That'd explain a lot. With an irritated sigh I tucked the papers back in the notebook and took a vigil staring out of the window.
Surprisingly, I didn't get that car sick. Or perhaps I was able to keep myself distracted a lot by thinking of things other than the fact I was jammed in the back seat of a car with Hunter and my mom. We stopped at a few places, but by then I was a bit queasy in the mind, and it is but a blurry collage of images and noises.
Evening faded into night, and for the last hour of travel I looked at a star. By this point I was bored enough to imagine it was actually a commet, so big and orange that it would be at Earth in maybe three years...well wait, it WAS big and colored more differently then the rest of the stars. So for the rest of the way I had a silent argument with myself--it was either the North star or a commey.
We pulled up to my uncle and aunt's new house, but I could barely see the dark-red bricks that turnd out to be very nice once I was able to actually see them. It was with relief that I stumbled out of the car and grabbed up my bag of clothes and art supplies, and my camera, of course. The inside was cozy, and almost like a maze (will have pics up soon!), but still had the feel of neglect. Either that or it was WAY too clean. I'm not very sure why yet, but perfectly clean houses irk me.
Hunter, mom and I were to be sleeping downstairs, which was pretty dang cool. Mom and Hunter got a room with a bed while I was put in a room that use to be a small kitchen (but it was carpeted). One wall had at least half a dozen plug-ins and a light switch. It was there that my unle and I got the air matress ready, and bedding laid out on it.
I explored the house on my own, mapping it in my mind for latter use when I peeked into one particular room that caught my immediate attention. There were boxes lined up on the shelves, neatly marked, but the boxes I caught on to said "Family History". I glanced over my shoulder to see if anyone was near, then walked into the room.
Of course I peeked into one of the boxes--is was photo albums and files. Feeling rather devious, I snagged the top album and skittered to my room, and poured over the photo generations of my family...NOT. I did peek, though, to see it was a photo album. I'll have to ask Kent (my uncle) to show me it me some time.
I got changed into more comfy clothing, and did the general routine of washing my face and brushing my teeth. There was a small living room downstairs with a TV right by my room, but I didn't join mom and Hunter. I was tired, very much so. Linda (aunt) tossed down a heating pad for my back, and I happily shut my door and settled down.
It was wonderful..until I woke up. The air matress had deflated, as Kent had warned. I groaned and rolled off the bed, and turned on the small device that pumped air into it. When it was filled, I rolled back on and went to sleep.
...I woke up again. And yes, it was deflated. But this time I ignored the unease on my back and dealt with it. I couldn't wait to wake up to see what tomorrow would hold!
The problem with changing fishbowls is that you keep the fish. My irritation continued to rise as Hunter became more and more of a devilish idiot around my aunt, who was very tolerant and had much more patience with kids than I.
Saturday evening on the way to Preston found me reading a printed copy of The Demon's Game, marking things I had questions about. By the tenth mark, I had to stop and think...
...Was chapter five really THAT confusing, or was it something else? I glanced to the over-energetic life form that gabbled in my ear. Oh, right. That'd explain a lot. With an irritated sigh I tucked the papers back in the notebook and took a vigil staring out of the window.
Surprisingly, I didn't get that car sick. Or perhaps I was able to keep myself distracted a lot by thinking of things other than the fact I was jammed in the back seat of a car with Hunter and my mom. We stopped at a few places, but by then I was a bit queasy in the mind, and it is but a blurry collage of images and noises.
Evening faded into night, and for the last hour of travel I looked at a star. By this point I was bored enough to imagine it was actually a commet, so big and orange that it would be at Earth in maybe three years...well wait, it WAS big and colored more differently then the rest of the stars. So for the rest of the way I had a silent argument with myself--it was either the North star or a commey.
We pulled up to my uncle and aunt's new house, but I could barely see the dark-red bricks that turnd out to be very nice once I was able to actually see them. It was with relief that I stumbled out of the car and grabbed up my bag of clothes and art supplies, and my camera, of course. The inside was cozy, and almost like a maze (will have pics up soon!), but still had the feel of neglect. Either that or it was WAY too clean. I'm not very sure why yet, but perfectly clean houses irk me.
Hunter, mom and I were to be sleeping downstairs, which was pretty dang cool. Mom and Hunter got a room with a bed while I was put in a room that use to be a small kitchen (but it was carpeted). One wall had at least half a dozen plug-ins and a light switch. It was there that my unle and I got the air matress ready, and bedding laid out on it.
I explored the house on my own, mapping it in my mind for latter use when I peeked into one particular room that caught my immediate attention. There were boxes lined up on the shelves, neatly marked, but the boxes I caught on to said "Family History". I glanced over my shoulder to see if anyone was near, then walked into the room.
Of course I peeked into one of the boxes--is was photo albums and files. Feeling rather devious, I snagged the top album and skittered to my room, and poured over the photo generations of my family...NOT. I did peek, though, to see it was a photo album. I'll have to ask Kent (my uncle) to show me it me some time.
I got changed into more comfy clothing, and did the general routine of washing my face and brushing my teeth. There was a small living room downstairs with a TV right by my room, but I didn't join mom and Hunter. I was tired, very much so. Linda (aunt) tossed down a heating pad for my back, and I happily shut my door and settled down.
It was wonderful..until I woke up. The air matress had deflated, as Kent had warned. I groaned and rolled off the bed, and turned on the small device that pumped air into it. When it was filled, I rolled back on and went to sleep.
...I woke up again. And yes, it was deflated. But this time I ignored the unease on my back and dealt with it. I couldn't wait to wake up to see what tomorrow would hold!
Recovery--Part 1
Prologue:
Recently I had a bad fall down the stairs...and for the next 38 hours after that, I could not even lay down to sleep my back hurt so bad. I was misreable, and didn't have anything to truly distract me, or anyone to talk to to lighten my mood.
I found distraction with Windows Movie Maker, but I was always being butted off the computer by my brother. Nice, eh? Oh well...
So when my aunt and uncle came down for the 4th of July to help with getting some of the outside of the house repaired, things finally began to turn. On Saturday they were going to take mom, my little brother and I to Preston, Idaho with them 'for a break'.
Finally, a chance to escape the little "fishbowl", as my mom called it.
...Oh, was I wrong.
(Continued in next Post)
Recently I had a bad fall down the stairs...and for the next 38 hours after that, I could not even lay down to sleep my back hurt so bad. I was misreable, and didn't have anything to truly distract me, or anyone to talk to to lighten my mood.
I found distraction with Windows Movie Maker, but I was always being butted off the computer by my brother. Nice, eh? Oh well...
So when my aunt and uncle came down for the 4th of July to help with getting some of the outside of the house repaired, things finally began to turn. On Saturday they were going to take mom, my little brother and I to Preston, Idaho with them 'for a break'.
Finally, a chance to escape the little "fishbowl", as my mom called it.
...Oh, was I wrong.
(Continued in next Post)
A looong while!
Wow, it has been SO long since I wrote in here! But, to wrap things up--
I graduated, had a job for a while, and...that's about it! So now, we move on to this new chapter of my life...I'll write it up in a new post though. ^.-
I graduated, had a job for a while, and...that's about it! So now, we move on to this new chapter of my life...I'll write it up in a new post though. ^.-
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
This 'n That
It's three o'clock in the morning, and I awoke in a terrible sweat and feeling feverish. My mind was buzzing with all the homework I still had to do, so I just got up and headed downstairs, for my plan was to take a shower to wake me up and then dive into my essay.
But that didn't happen...I just feel so sick. But no staying home for me today--I have been absent too much, thanks to my back problem keeping me out of school nearly all of last week. I feel sick because of the things I ate yesterday night at Hali's study group get-together thing, which were good right at the time but then plagued me in my sleep. It's amazing how my eating habits have changed and how my body can seem to no longer tolerate next-to-no sugar, junk food, and certain drinks. Even now I feel sick for drinking Diet Pepsi last night, too. I am more use to Diet Dr. Thunder and Diet Coke.
But I really need to stay away from it...it may be good at the time, but I regret it later. *hugs her water bottle close* When I get on the computer, I always have a cup with pop in it. So I am trying my best to substitute that cup with water. However, when mom offers me that Diet Dr. Thunder, I don't refuse, 'cause I love it lol!
Random stuff...I just feel so weird right now, yes yes.
In Weights yesterday (and this makes me feel kind of mad ^^') I was parallel squatting 55 pounds (couldn't do much with my whole collar bone/shoulder thing). I went down just fine, but when I was coming back up from the squat, my legs just kind of gave out on me. My spotters weren't even paying attention, except for the one behind me, but she couldn't do much to help the weight on my shoulders. But thank goodness for reflexives! I was able to dart out my left hand and grab the safety bar and catch myself.
What if that had been a weight I could barely stand to have on my shoulders, say...65-70 or so? It would have been a different story. I get ignored a lot in that class, which is both a blessing and a bad thing. *sigh*
School has been interesting, and I have made better friends with my classmates, in particular Larsen. She was one of the very few who noticed my absence all last week (along with James and Mike) and she even gave me some encouragement to hang in there and get better. We could never be the kind of friends who hang out at each other's houses--we are VERY different in MANY aspects, but yet at school we can talk and laugh and help each other out.
Hmm, what else to get off of my mind. . .
Things at home have been plummeting to an all-time low, but I'm still standing. Some how I still manage a smile at school and give the appearance of that one girl who joins in on the laughing, observes, and then goes out of her way to talk to different people. Once in a while I can feel very 'down' when I get to school, for home life -can- have a rather huge impact. I really do not like hiding my emotions all that much, it hurts me more than helps, you know? But now that Tawn-Tawn has moved, I don't have any one personally here to really confide in. She always knew exactly what to say, how to say it, and come up with ways to make it better. And I did that for her as well. I REALLY miss her, and I wish I could see her sooner than just in the spring.
On that note, things went from negative to more and more positive to going to college with her. Turns out that, even if I do not have a couple of the required classes for UofI, I could always take them there. Plus, there is also a two year college in the same area. So there is that as well! I'm excited, and I am beginning to dive into scholarships. My older brother has become an odd model--I want to do better than he did, get better grades than he did, and just do better than him in general, because I don't want to end up like him. *raises fist in victory* We were talking about that the other night (yet another night here I had troubles getting to sleep)and he admitted I was right to think/do better than he. Which is a first.
That is all for now...phew, I feel a bit better! That's a long entry, thank goodness it is not on deviantART!
But that didn't happen...I just feel so sick. But no staying home for me today--I have been absent too much, thanks to my back problem keeping me out of school nearly all of last week. I feel sick because of the things I ate yesterday night at Hali's study group get-together thing, which were good right at the time but then plagued me in my sleep. It's amazing how my eating habits have changed and how my body can seem to no longer tolerate next-to-no sugar, junk food, and certain drinks. Even now I feel sick for drinking Diet Pepsi last night, too. I am more use to Diet Dr. Thunder and Diet Coke.
But I really need to stay away from it...it may be good at the time, but I regret it later. *hugs her water bottle close* When I get on the computer, I always have a cup with pop in it. So I am trying my best to substitute that cup with water. However, when mom offers me that Diet Dr. Thunder, I don't refuse, 'cause I love it lol!
Random stuff...I just feel so weird right now, yes yes.
In Weights yesterday (and this makes me feel kind of mad ^^') I was parallel squatting 55 pounds (couldn't do much with my whole collar bone/shoulder thing). I went down just fine, but when I was coming back up from the squat, my legs just kind of gave out on me. My spotters weren't even paying attention, except for the one behind me, but she couldn't do much to help the weight on my shoulders. But thank goodness for reflexives! I was able to dart out my left hand and grab the safety bar and catch myself.
What if that had been a weight I could barely stand to have on my shoulders, say...65-70 or so? It would have been a different story. I get ignored a lot in that class, which is both a blessing and a bad thing. *sigh*
School has been interesting, and I have made better friends with my classmates, in particular Larsen. She was one of the very few who noticed my absence all last week (along with James and Mike) and she even gave me some encouragement to hang in there and get better. We could never be the kind of friends who hang out at each other's houses--we are VERY different in MANY aspects, but yet at school we can talk and laugh and help each other out.
Hmm, what else to get off of my mind. . .
Things at home have been plummeting to an all-time low, but I'm still standing. Some how I still manage a smile at school and give the appearance of that one girl who joins in on the laughing, observes, and then goes out of her way to talk to different people. Once in a while I can feel very 'down' when I get to school, for home life -can- have a rather huge impact. I really do not like hiding my emotions all that much, it hurts me more than helps, you know? But now that Tawn-Tawn has moved, I don't have any one personally here to really confide in. She always knew exactly what to say, how to say it, and come up with ways to make it better. And I did that for her as well. I REALLY miss her, and I wish I could see her sooner than just in the spring.
On that note, things went from negative to more and more positive to going to college with her. Turns out that, even if I do not have a couple of the required classes for UofI, I could always take them there. Plus, there is also a two year college in the same area. So there is that as well! I'm excited, and I am beginning to dive into scholarships. My older brother has become an odd model--I want to do better than he did, get better grades than he did, and just do better than him in general, because I don't want to end up like him. *raises fist in victory* We were talking about that the other night (yet another night here I had troubles getting to sleep)and he admitted I was right to think/do better than he. Which is a first.
That is all for now...phew, I feel a bit better! That's a long entry, thank goodness it is not on deviantART!
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