This 'n That

It's three o'clock in the morning, and I awoke in a terrible sweat and feeling feverish. My mind was buzzing with all the homework I still had to do, so I just got up and headed downstairs, for my plan was to take a shower to wake me up and then dive into my essay.

But that didn't happen...I just feel so sick. But no staying home for me today--I have been absent too much, thanks to my back problem keeping me out of school nearly all of last week. I feel sick because of the things I ate yesterday night at Hali's study group get-together thing, which were good right at the time but then plagued me in my sleep. It's amazing how my eating habits have changed and how my body can seem to no longer tolerate next-to-no sugar, junk food, and certain drinks. Even now I feel sick for drinking Diet Pepsi last night, too. I am more use to Diet Dr. Thunder and Diet Coke.

But I really need to stay away from it...it may be good at the time, but I regret it later. *hugs her water bottle close* When I get on the computer, I always have a cup with pop in it. So I am trying my best to substitute that cup with water. However, when mom offers me that Diet Dr. Thunder, I don't refuse, 'cause I love it lol!


Random stuff...I just feel so weird right now, yes yes.


In Weights yesterday (and this makes me feel kind of mad ^^') I was parallel squatting 55 pounds (couldn't do much with my whole collar bone/shoulder thing). I went down just fine, but when I was coming back up from the squat, my legs just kind of gave out on me. My spotters weren't even paying attention, except for the one behind me, but she couldn't do much to help the weight on my shoulders. But thank goodness for reflexives! I was able to dart out my left hand and grab the safety bar and catch myself.

What if that had been a weight I could barely stand to have on my shoulders, say...65-70 or so? It would have been a different story. I get ignored a lot in that class, which is both a blessing and a bad thing. *sigh*


School has been interesting, and I have made better friends with my classmates, in particular Larsen. She was one of the very few who noticed my absence all last week (along with James and Mike) and she even gave me some encouragement to hang in there and get better. We could never be the kind of friends who hang out at each other's houses--we are VERY different in MANY aspects, but yet at school we can talk and laugh and help each other out.


Hmm, what else to get off of my mind. . .

Things at home have been plummeting to an all-time low, but I'm still standing. Some how I still manage a smile at school and give the appearance of that one girl who joins in on the laughing, observes, and then goes out of her way to talk to different people. Once in a while I can feel very 'down' when I get to school, for home life -can- have a rather huge impact. I really do not like hiding my emotions all that much, it hurts me more than helps, you know? But now that Tawn-Tawn has moved, I don't have any one personally here to really confide in. She always knew exactly what to say, how to say it, and come up with ways to make it better. And I did that for her as well. I REALLY miss her, and I wish I could see her sooner than just in the spring.


On that note, things went from negative to more and more positive to going to college with her. Turns out that, even if I do not have a couple of the required classes for UofI, I could always take them there. Plus, there is also a two year college in the same area. So there is that as well! I'm excited, and I am beginning to dive into scholarships. My older brother has become an odd model--I want to do better than he did, get better grades than he did, and just do better than him in general, because I don't want to end up like him. *raises fist in victory* We were talking about that the other night (yet another night here I had troubles getting to sleep)and he admitted I was right to think/do better than he. Which is a first.


That is all for now...phew, I feel a bit better! That's a long entry, thank goodness it is not on deviantART!